Lemonade

W.M.D

Some things are best said with silence

You kill me with your words

please stop your violence

You spit bullets

Your mouths a smoking gun

Words may cut deep

with your silver tongue

You've got

Hard hitting punchlines

with your

brass knuckle lips

and I'm at your mercy

until your mood shifts

You shoot insults

like a semi-automatic

and I can't hold my breath

because you always had it

I write it all down

because revenge is what I'm yearning

compose a diary of hatred

then hold a book burning

I'll shoot bullets back at you

but this time they're real

"See what you did to me?

I'll show you how I feel"

I Think They Call This...Venting

Sometimes it just feels like nothing goes right. While I have so much to be grateful for, I can't help to get angry at some misfortunes. A lady shouldn't curse but I've been brought up like a sailor. I've weathered storms with metaphorical waves that have taken my soul deeper than it should be at this age. The deeper I go the more pressure is on me.

I've seen my father leave and come back

and my mother threaten suicide

both too many times

I've seen so many arguments

and not enough apologies

I've heard so many empty words

I can hear their echo

and I repeat myself when I say

that it makes me a better person

But I am tired of being better

I'm tired of being the mother of my mother

and babying my father

I am not a child

and I had little chance to be

and when I finally do something for me

everything falls apart

the wool strands of my dreams are being tugged

and pulled away by the leaping sheep

and they run away towards possibility

while I'm left in an open field staring at a fence.

And when the sun rises I will be left in the shadows cast

sometimes it just always feels like darkness has its hand on my shoulder

I want to be better

So I guess this is the path

tomorrow I'm gettin' yelled at

oh well

fuck it

high ho' sailor.

If I Had A Dream

"every dream i’ve had was a nightmare

so everything i do is motivated by fear

scared of low makes me the best out there

but the best of what is the hardest nut

to crack when every possibility is followed by a “but...”

and by my own invention another window is shut

and it was never my intention

to have many canvases with no inspiration

like my fates a virgin waiting penetration

meaning i haven’t even touched it yet

despite my motivation"

So what do you do, when the only thing you want to be is better?

Why can't that be an aspiration and an occupation?

Adult: Monica, what do you want to be when you grow up?

Me: Better.

Adult: No, I mean what do you want to do with your life?

Me: Be better.

Adult: I don't think you understand...

Me: I don't think you understand. With all the things I can do, like to do, will probably do in the future, how can you choose one? What else is more worthy of my time than self improvement? Why should my life be defined by an employment application?

Anywho....

I don't have a dream.

No drive towards a single direction.

I don't have any ambition towards something in particular.

I just want to be better.

Better than I am now.

Better than most.

Better than the best.

I want to be me in the near future

and that's an ongoing process.